Today, I want to address the controversial subject of “Helicopter Parents”. Before I go on, please keep in mind that through all my blogs, I mean no offence to anyone and regarding this post, I am a parent so I don’t mean to offend parents but I am very concerned that we are coddling our kids.
I read a book several years ago whose main theme was parents who love too much. My first instinct was how can you love your children too much? I’m a Dad, and although my son, Vance, now 25, annoys me with some of his choices, I love him very much. But my wife and I were never helicopter parents. For those who have never heard the expression, it describes parents who “hover” over their children, constantly. They tend to be overprotective and quite frankly, they are a growing annoyance amongst teachers, school administrators and volunteers involved in various extracurricular activities who coach and instruct these parent’s offspring.
Don’t get me wrong, these parents aren’t bad people. In fact, I’d rather see parents be too involved in their kid’s lives than to be absent or complascent but like I feel about almost everything connected to the subject of exrtemism, I believe it is profoundly affecting our society.
Just to establish some credibilty here, I have spoken in over 7,000 schools to over 1.5 million students in the past thirty years. I have also spoken to hundreds of thousands of teachers and administrators so I am not stating my beliefs as an outsider. I can’t even count the number of conversations I have had with professional educators about their concerns about their job and I consistently hear the same issue over and over again…parents! Let’s be clear, some teachers aren’t great at their jobs and I’ll blog about that another time. Plus, these educators never, ever say it’s all parents. But, like the issue of the politically correct (another future blog), the minority make the most noise.
Helicopter Parent’s biggest problem is their apparent denial that their children can do no wrong. Their second problem is severe paranoia that unless they are watching over their children 24/7, they will come to harm. Sadly, some children
do experience tragic harm, so I am not insensitive to this. But allow me to state a personal point of reference.
I was raised by foster-parents who became my real family. I have a birth family who, for simplification, gave me up due to the severe complication of my being born without arms. My life experience with parents of Thalidomide babies (I am one) and I make no judgement here, was that due to the nature of the sometimes severe disabilities, it created an understandable overprotectivenes of their children. Although my folks had their moments, they were never Helicopter Parents. One example: In Grade 5, I had a teacher make me re-write  my entire science notebook over the Christmas holidays because it was messy and illegible. My parents supported the teacher and as much as I hated it, I did it and as a result, my note taking (with my feet I might add) improved for not only science, but all my subjects. I should mention my fifth grade teacher lost his arm as a child and he knew exactly what I was doing; using my so-called disabilty to avoid accountability.
My parents probably invented the term “tough love” without even knowing it. In our home, their were no excuses and I develped a strength that has allowed me to confront every challenge with incredible success. Did I always like my parent’s supporting teachers and the like…of course not. But the job of a parent is not to be a friend, it is to grow independent and accountable adults who respect authority and become people of character. I believe true character is not achieved by parents smoothing the bumps of life, but teaching their children how to cope with them.
I know one thing for certain; life can be unfair but it is the only one we get and the sooner we learn that, the more successful our lives can be. I know its difficult for these parents but the greatest gift we can give our children is one of independence. My parents gave me that gift and I cherish it every single day!