So this is my first blog in a while. I haven’t been lazy but a bit disenchanted. If you follow my writing you know that it isn’t my speech style to bitch and complain so I thought a blog might allow me an outlet for the daily frustrations we all experience and that I feel contribute to the lowering, not raising, of our “world’s bar”. I just think we could all be doing better!
So, I had to take a break because too many people were getting the wrong impression of me, and in particular, potential clients were sometimes scared off by my take on the truth, and it isn’t always politically correct either! Well, you will all see a different tone to my blogs in the future but not today. Today, I must put aside “Happy Alvin” in favour of another uncomfortable truth…”The Tragic Truth of Thalidomide”.
In the Saturday, November 22nd (2014) edition of Canada’s Globe & Mail, an incredible article written by Ingrid Peritz, is a “must read”. I read it…and I cried! I am telling you this in honesty, not melodrama. I cried for my friends. People like the Settle Brothers. When I met Peter and Paul in 1988, it was the first national convention of Thalidomide Survivors. They reminded me of me! Fun loving, almost hyper positive energy and I know I was drawn to them for reasons I am not proud of. I didn’t feel comfortable with the real “victims” and truthfully, there were a lot of “them”. That is exactly how I saw “them”. It was a feeling that disturbed me. I was aware of it at the time, but I kept it to myself. Of course I did. How ridiculously arrogant of me to think of myself as “better” than them. But I was 26 years old. We were all young then, but even then, the dehabilitating effects of our various deformities were there! There is no confusion. When you have malformed or worse, completely missing limbs, it’s hard to hide.
I have told people, probably over a million times, how “lucky” I am. It isn’t a lie. I am! I am for so many reasons.
You know, I never knew. I kind of knew I had no arms…duh? I never knew why. I was born without them, and not sure if this confuses the debate, but people are born without or with, deformed limbs. It happens in nature. A very inspiring and well known speaker from Australia, Nick Vujicic, only has one tiny flipper leg, and many think he is a Thalidomider. He isn’t, simply because he isn’t. His mother never took the drug because it was banned in 1963 and he is much too young. It was actually the argument used by the various drug companies who “never” acknowledged their role in deforming as many as 20,000 babies born between 1956 and 1963 all around the world. They claimed it was a coincidence. Right. There is also a bigger problem.
When expectant mothers were given Thalidomide, we lived in a time when it wasn’t questioned. It was a time when pharmaceuticals were relatively new. Hard to fathom, but manufactured drugs were a product of the 20th century. Chinese medicine goes back thousands of years but it wasn’t “maufactured”. There should been a hint there but I digress. The bigger problem is a personal observation.
We were all called “Thalidomide Victims”. I am sorry but I believe the moms were the real victims. That clearly is not to suggest we weren’t victimized, but I have a somewhat unique story. I was given up by my birth family before I was a week old! I will not get into the details here, they are in my book that if you haven’t read, you should. (It is available on the website you just visited)
I was lucky! There we go again, but this reference is the essence of why. I was taken in by foster parents who would become my only family I would ever know. Hilda and Jack Law changed my destiny, or one might argue, were my destiny. This is not arrogant boasting. My observation is that so many of the Thalidomders moms and families were never able to cope with the truth that came with severe deformity. Remember, this was over fifty years ago! Our society was completely ignorant of disability. It was hidden, It wasn’t like today where I feel respected, if not embraced by people every day. It was a taboo. There is a reference in the Globe article to being described as “cursed by the devil”. Shocking, huh? But the truth! Try to imagine the immense guilt experienced by the moms. They blamed themselves. Why wouldn’t they? And that is why I was so lucky.
My foster parents, then my only parents, but in particular my only “Mom”, bore no guilt. This might sound crass but my Mom was almost workmanlike. Her “job” was to enable me. She had no guilt! Perhaps more important, I had nobody to blame! Because of adoptions rules, the file on my birth family was sealed so not only did I have zero knowledge of who they were but no proof of the connection with Thalidomide. Frankly, that is huge! I didn’t grow up with the same stigma, but even more stunning, I had no idea how fortunate I was. I simply assumed all people born without arms had the same experience. I couldn’t have been more wrong!
That clarity came to me in 1986. I was asked to participate in task force sponsored by War Amps of Canada. It was championed by a true Canadian hero, Clifford Chadderton. Not only was he War Amps Executive Director, but he was consumed by the injustice committed by the Canadian Government. It was the only government in the world who had refused to acknowledge the responsiblity of the welfare of Thalidomide survivors. The task force was relatively small. When fellow Thalidomider, Paul Murphy of Winnipeg, called me to invite my participation in the task force, I made it very clear that although I was born without arms, I had no actual “proof” of why. He assured me the coincidence was too strong and at our first task force meeting, I met another amazing man, Dr. Gustav Gingras from Montreal. Upon examining my bare upper body, he concluded the same thing…too strong a coincidence. The confirmation was strange. it was at the same time, affirming, but also disturbing. It became obvious to me that while I had something in common with my new friends, I had not had to deal with such a startling “truth” like these peers had grown up with. Whatever I did to cope with my new understanding, I committed myself to help the survivors of such an horrific legacy to the best of my ability. I agreed to work with the task force to produce a report to government, which we completed in 1988. I agreed to be one of the subjects of an award winning documentary, “Broken Promises”, produced and directed by John Zaritsky and Virginia Storring. I attended the first ever “convention” of Thalidomide Survivors, also in 1988. I would even go on to meet my birth family, my birth mom, Sophie, brother Alan and sister, Elaine (my birth father, Peter, died in 1983). With Sophie’s help, and the anmazing assitance of my first social worker, but more importantly, the delivery room nurse who was the first person (after the delivery doctor quickly handed me over in complete shock) to actually hold me. Margaret Sharrock is someone I often refer to as my “First Angel”. She was solely responsible for placing me in Hilda & Jack Law’s foster home. She also signed an affidavit confirming that Sophie’s doctor admitted to her in confidence that she had given my birth mom some sample Thalidomide pills to quell her morning sickness!
All of this “Truth” helped me to develop a different perspective on my life and in another theoretical coincidence, 1988 saw me quit a government job to become a full time motivational speaker. I have received more accolades and attention from my speaking, and in 2006, the publishing of my first and now International Bestselling book, “Alvin’s Laws of Life”, than I ever might have dreamed of. I am even in the Canadian Association of Professional Speakers Hall of Fame! Again…I have been one of the lucky ones. But I write this blog with incredibly mixed feelings.
I may have been one of the founding members of the Thalidomide Victim’s Association of Canada (TVAC), even serving for a few years on its executive committee. I may have attended a few conventions and even received some money from the Canadian government’s gesture in 1993. But I have not done enough to help my peers. For that I am eternally sorry. I am not asking to be absolved or forgiven. I am asking for help. Help for all those that cannot help themselves. Help for thise who did not live the amazing life I have lived. Help for all the families who have had to struggle with the truth of their children, brothers or sisters, nieces and nephews, grandchildren. The Truth Of Thalidomide! The truth that cannot be reversed but a truth that can be corrected!
Please go to www.rightthewrong.ca to sign a petition. you can also visit my Facebook page, or visit the website for the Thalidomide Victims Association of Canada (www.thalidomide.ca) or visit the Globe and Mail for the article. But please, please, please…write your Member of Parliament (if you’re Canadian) and copy the Minister of Health, Rona Ambrose with your support. Everyone can help by sharing this story with everyone you know.
From the bottom of my heart….Thank You!
6 Comments
It is one thing to see the world through one’s own eyes, but it is something else to watch someone who looks uncannily like you doing similar tasks in oddly similar ways. An eerie sense of self-consciousness interrupts one’s thoughts. “That’s me, yet it isn’t, is it?” All very strange, yet as one unarmed Canadian thalidomide survivor to another, we are who we are, and there’s no shame in that!
Thanks Gavin. Let’s hope we can all take this to the logical conclusion…together. Hope you are well.
Thanks for writing your blog and talking about the article. I was pretty touched too:) (Gavin’s older sister!)
It is easy to know the truth, more responsible to take action. I applaud you Alvin for taking action, old friend, and I too am taking action by doing a better job of sharing the story and writing Members of Parliament. Let’s get this done!
Alvin,
Great to hear about the recent developments regarding the TVAC and the government!
All the best,
Ken
Thanks Ken. Hope you are well.